I’ve felt really lost lately. It seems this year, especially
these last few weeks, have proven more difficult than any I can remember in the
past. The hardest part has been pushing through it all. Even though I have many
different things falling apart in my life right now, I’m still expected to keep
going and moving forward. I guess out of anyone around me it is I who expects
the most. School, and many other areas, has begun to layer one thing on top of
another, and as I look towards the days and weeks in front of me they seem
impossible. The hardest part though is knowing that if I push through harder, I
will only feel the consequences of it later, making the days after even more
difficult than the ones I am in now. So to me it seems pointless to keep going,
if I’m only going to make things worse. I guess what I mean is that, to be more
specific, one example is the pain I’m feeling today is only going to increase
if I get up and go through school and the hours of homework that will follow.
If I stay home and rest, I’m only going to have the school work pile up more
and more which will come back to hit me later, and will eventually cause me to
feel worse as I try to catch up with everything. So, for the last couple days I’ve
wondered, why would I keep going? What is there for me? If this life continues
on the way it has been, I can only see my health failing more, and everyday
tasks becoming more and more difficult.
Another thought also came into my head when I was thinking
about all of this. I began to wonder, what do I take joy in? Really. What makes
me happy? If it’s just the good days, when life is comfortable and easy, and
giving me things, then that definitely means I won’t be joyful or happy for
most of the time that I'm here. So, instead I realized that I need to not only
take the bad circumstances with courage, but actually rejoice in them. I need
to learn to be happy when life isn't giving, but also, and more importantly,
when life is taking. Just because these times are seemingly awful does
not mean that they aren't as important for me as the “good times” in life. In
fact, it seems that these trials lead me into being someone much more joyful
than I could have ever been if my life had continued on normally; well normal as
in if it had gone on as expected.
It is then that I read this verse, and it seemed to sum up
exactly the guidance and encouragement that my soul had been searching for.
Romans 5:3-4 “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our
sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance,
character; and character, hope.”
Also, in another light;
Job
1:21, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the LORD be
praised."
Blessed be the name of the Lord, for he gives
and takes away. I need to learn to praise him not only for the things he has
given me, but especially for the things he has taken away from me.