Monday, September 24, 2012

What counts?

So I started thinking.

And, like all thoughts, these thoughts came to me during my shower, in which place only the best ideas come from.

I divided up my last year into a few parts. The first part I decided was more like the coping side, dealing with all the new hindrances and troubles that I encountered, and kept on encountering through the months.

Now, I thought, I’ve moved on into the surviving stage. Where I learn to take the new difficulties thrown at me and relearn how to live and do things.

Before going on I have to state that this is in no way a pity party here or any such thing. I see it more as a decoding of what different experiences I’m having.
So with that being said, I’ll move forward.

I’m starting to figure out that while encountering these new obstacles I’m learning things from them. For example, one night I may not have the will or strength to study for an 8 am test the next day. Before, I would stress out about this, knowing that if I stay up and push through studying, I won’t be able to make it through the test tomorrow. But, if I go to bed, I won’t be prepared to even take the test anyway. So, seeing these two options would naturally make someone like me very worried and quite perplexed. However, only recently have I begun to understand what is worth worrying about, and what isn’t. Point of view maybe, some would call it. As I face that fact that yes I am sick and yes there will be many more of these days to come, and that no, my life isn’t revolving around this test, or even this class, it helps me to realize the value and worth of the things in my life.

Even some days when maybe it’s just that Monday where you get back a test you thought you aced and well, it wasn’t even close. And as you try to shake it off you go to your next class and turns out you have a huge essay due in a day or two, and you have no idea on what. And then you drop your plate at lunch. Or maybe fall down the stairs, just to add it into the mix. Well I don’t know about others but those days definitely hit me every now and then, and it’s harder than it seems for me to not get upset and just give up on the day. More often than not after only a few hours I find myself wishing that this day would be over and I could go to bed. It’s then that I heard someone say, “Thank you God for creating this beautiful and amazing day.” And I stopped. And thought. First thoughts were how in the world is this day beautiful.. and second were, it’s got to be wrong for me to be wishing for the weekend already. When I just go through each class and each homework assignment and just think of it ending before it even began, how is that for a life? I wouldn’t be surprised come Christmas and me not having appreciated one day between now and then. I realized that I have to change that because I don’t want to see how the rest of my week, and even year will go if that’s literally my attitude for every day.  Like I heard earlier, it’s a beautiful day. And if you’re not feeling its beauty, then change that. Do something now to make it something special and unique. What’s even more rewarding to me and makes my days count is giving my time to someone else, letting someone else know that they’re loved and they definitely made my day better, and I hope I can return even a piece of the favor.

Of course these are just small thoughts and small words. But words count, don’t they?

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24


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  2. All your thoughts and words are valuable and beautiful. Your inner world is lit with the beauty of God's grace, but this is not something a person can know and feel very easily except maybe in glimpses now and then. It is easy for me to feel God's grace through your words and expressions, though. I feel a purity and honesty, and God sees and accepts your pure heart.

    Most people are surviving on worldly comforts. Your soul has the sacred opportunity to grow through severe testing, and every small effort or shift in awareness on your part contributes to your growth, even if you often see things in terms of what you believe you aren't doing right or well enough. Your yearning for truth and love is in itself a pure and righteous act, and draws His love towards you, into your soul. Through your words and pure expression, others are touched, and have the opportunity to share in this grace.

    Love Dogs, by Rumi

    One night a man was crying,
    Allah! Allah!
    His lips grew sweet with the praising,
    until a cynic said,
    "So! I have heard you
    calling out, but have you ever
    gotten any response?"

    The man had no answer to that.
    He quit praying and fell into a confused sleep.
    He dreamed he saw Khidr, the guide of souls,
    in a thick, green foliage.

    "Why did you stop praising?"
    "Because I’ve never heard anything back."

    "This longing you express is the return message."

    The grief you cry out from
    draws you toward union.
    Your pure sadness
    that wants help
    is the secret cup.

    Listen to the moan of a dog for its master.
    That whining is the connection.

    There are love-dogs
    no one knows the names of.
    Give your life
    to be one of them.

  3. it s only a few moths ago that i learned a precious lesson:"thought

    creates".It might seem simple at first..but it s not.Our mental attitude creates our experiences,our personal reality.The choice is ours:either you choose positive thoughts and attract positive experiences in your life or we choose negative thoughts and create a negative reality for us.It s really a matter of s really a matter of attitude.I am persuaded that happiness is an "inner" situation,uncoditional self-love which leads to uncoditional love for other people.Today,make your choice:choose to shine no matter what!today,i made my choice:i chose to shine in spite of my scleroderma:)
    love and light from Athens,Greece

    love and light from greece,