Monday, July 29, 2013

Hold My Hand.

Hold my hand God.

You don't have to make the pain stop,
just hold my hand.

I'm not crying because  I'm angry or bitter. I'm just crying because I'm scared. It's not like the flu, when you know you'll have a couple days of fevers and maybe a few times spent in the bathroom throwing up. It's different, each minute is different. It changes, and I never know when it will reach it's climax or when it might recede. It could be in a few minutes, it could be in hours, it could be in days, or what if the pain doesn't stop? I never know how far it will take me. Will it just remain a small pain in my gut for the time being, or will it proceed into the hours of the night, where tears fall and silent screams are released as I lie on the bathroom floor unable to cry out for anyone to help. It's scary.

I'll go through it, I'll take the pain, I just need to know you're here with me Jesus.


  1. Life is very personal between The Creator and the new creation. There is a bond that is likened to a married couple, that is above and beyond any other human relationship. Christ and His Bride, married in a covenant of the Groom toward His beloved. Your longing for the Bridegrooms presence is expressed in the Song of Solomon 5:8 & 3:1-2 . The desire of the child of God is for a visitation of our Beloved to our every sense. His Presence, a visit to our Garden of Eden, to sit with us in the cool of the day, and inquire of us of our day. Unlike other humans, He can feel our infirmities. He knows what it is to have weeds growing in His flower garden. To feel pain and isolation, to be trapped in a garden where the only exit is thru a Cross. He knows the agony of knowing that the only answer to His prayer for life is death. And that death is personal, between He and His Father, the Innocent is offered to Justice and the Sinless owns another's sin and is Alone in the eternal judgment. We may feel alone at times, times when Presence is longed for; but never will we cry out, " My God why have You forsaken Me??" Shortly before these words of the broken heart of Jesus, He prayed these words to that Father. John records that prayer and we reference it in John 17. Note especially vs 24. Spurgeon has a wonderful sermon on that verse called, "Why they leave us". ( Google it ?) I pray for you Anna, that you would be strengthened in the inner man as you discover, personally, between you and your Savior , His Presence. Pastor Cole

  2. "The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
    And He delights in his way.
    When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
    Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand."
    -Psalm 37:23-24

    Love you Anna. <3


  3. my dear Anna,

    I am completely related to you...i ve been there,i am still there,i ve been living with scleroderma all my life..i know your pain..i can feel your pain..You are not alone Anna.I use i could give you a big hug..

    I am sending you all my love,my positive thoughts and all this bright light from my country Greece.

    You are not are loved and i know you know that!I know you feel that in your heart!!

    guess what Anna?Love heals..